Pilipinong Tunay

Let me borrow my hubby’s pen name for the title of this entry.

The same way I borrowed his recently acquired book SKETCHES: Stories of Inspiration from the TOYM Awardees for my bedtime reading (I need an alternate to my What To Expect During the First Year). The book is basically a collection of inspiring vignettes/essays of real-life experiences, written and shared by the TOYM winners themselves.

One essay particularly struck and affected me. It was written by Raquel B. Del Rosario-Fortun (TOYM Awardee for Forensic Pathology, 2002), the “first Filipino pathologist formally trained in forensic pathology to establish a practice in this specialty in the Philippines”. You might recognize her, she’s quite popular nowadays (via TV appearances in connection with some controversial shootout/human rights issue.)

Her piece inspired (as well as validated) my desire to stick it here, in our beloved Philippines.

Let me share with you the essay. I lifted it word for word from the book. (Yes, I have that much free time nowadays!).

*************************************************************************************************************************************************
LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT

Love it or leave it. This is one advice given to Pinoys constantly whining about their country and I have considered it time and again, being a true-blooded, certified whiner myself.

Why stay? We are on the brink of electing yet another actor to the presidency. The air is bad and we keep getting stuck in traffic. A huge chunk of the population seems hopelessly mired in poverty living under bridges and on mobile pedicabs or caritons, and still they manage to maintain a robust sex life and add to the bloated headcount some more. We are certainly an intelligent lot, we do know what ails us but somehow we are not too good at fixing up. In most things where we need a system, we don’t have one effectively in place. We do not take rules seriously. And where unemotional straightforward dealings are needed, we tend to spice up the issue with pakikisama too much and too often, and end up ruining the dish.

As a professional in a fledgling field, the desire to simply pack up and go at times can be overpowering. During really, really low moments, I imagine myself as a walking signboard emblazoned in screaming bright lights with “Pirate me…pleeeease!” Really, why stay? A forensic pathologist in the Philippines has no practice at all because we cannot even distinguish a good autopsy from a bad one. Anybody who calls him/herself an expert is accepted. Forensic expertise is a matter of simple affiliation with a certain institution and/or several years on the job. It can even be mere interest in a particular field with absolutely no academic background, formal training, research work, teaching position and so on. We do not study our dead but we simply dispose of them (after, of course, some prayers and must-have funeral trappings).

Although one could argue that being Third World, we cannot prioritize the dead since we do not even have enough resources for the living, I tend not to agree completely because some of those who can actually afford still choose a fancy coffin over good professional autopsy.

Now, what if I were elsewhere? I would be a medical examiner in an office with an administrative and technical support staff. I would have a salary enough to live on. I would work in a clean morgue that is well-lit, well-ventilated with all the equipment in place. I could change my gloves and scalpel blades as often as I wanted. I could get all the samples needed and send them off for analysis regardless of cost. I would go to crime scenes and courts and work with real professionals a la C.S.I. (Crime Scene Investigation) and not use my own vehicle and spend for gas. Wow! Best of all, the intellectual environment would definitely be more gratifying than where I am now. I would be constantly kept on my toes by lawyers who know what questions to ask. I would be doing really serious work. No need to waste time, patience and saliva on inane issues like virginity and the hymen, and that worthless paraffin test.

But come to think of it, I have been around a bit. A year in Seattle, six months in Kobe, a month in Nicosia, three weeks in Sierra Leone, another six months in East Timor, a few days in Darwin, Sydney, Singapore, Saipan, The Hague, etc. So I do have a fairly good idea what it is like to live elsewhere. I liked many of the things that I saw especially in the progressive countries: the efficient mass transport system, discipline and no-nonsense law enforcement. As a professional I could find a real job, I would be understood, appreciated and compensated. But while I fancied bits and pieces of certain places here and there, no other country could compare with what I have back home. For one thing, I suppose home is really where my husband and daughter are and so it is unthinkable to even consider moving somewhere, without them in tow. And looking back now, I recall I was awfully homesick whenever I left, the gloom settling in after a few days of excitement over the trip. I remember breaking into tears for no apparent reason while walking on the beautiful campus of the University of Washington. I realized I was depressed and commiserated with unfortunate compatriots who came home in coffins. The loneliness and despair could be so bad it could drive one to commit suicide apparently if no support system were around. So thank God for relatives and other well-meaning fellow Pinoys!

And so I am still here, trying to earn a decent living like most everyone else. Trudging along and yes, whining some more like the rest. But quite curiously, I noticed a change in me. From “why stay?” I find myself asking “Why leave?” All things considered, it is not really that bad. For starters, the Philippines IS a beautiful country. Move out of the city and into the countryside and see that we have as much, or even more than what the other nations have. As for Filipinos, we do have our good and bad points just like anybody else. What’s the bottom line? This is what I am and where I belong. I may be proficient in English but it is still foreign to me. If you pinch me I will never blurt out “Ouch!” Aray pa rin ang lalabas. Sure it is novel to experience winter but in my country I can wear a tee all year round. Our colorful bouganvilleas and san franciscos also hang around without perennially replanted. And the food! How can I survive without rice? And buko, tapsilog, tinapa, ube-macapuno ice cream etc. Here I have a life. Those times when I was an expatriate in some foreign land, I found myself working early morning and late nights. On weekends I did my laundry.

But while my personal life may be satisfying as a Filipino, I do wish my professional life could be better. It is tiring to keep swimming against the current but I suppose any crusade is never a walk in the park. If I were in a more advanced society I would simply join the system whereas here, the challenge is to actually build one. Perhaps there will be generations of forensic pathologists after me who will have an easier time. Meanwhile, I will just have to keep on, among other things hoping there will be enough paid cases to financethe more numerous pro bono ones. Anyways, if I stop putting a price tag on everything, rewards do come my way. Like the time a grateful parent of one of the child victims of the Damas fire in Paco brought me bananas and biscuits. Or that unusual incident when a lady judge thanked me after my testimony, rose from the bench and walked me out the courtroom door. I was floored by the gesture, I stammered my own “thank you” and bowed (I just came from Japan then). Unthinkable, but so Filipino. Walang ganyan sa States! Thank you Ma’am. You really made my day. I remember I was feeling so bad that time because as usual, I drove to court myself, abonado na naman sa gasolina.

So love it or leave it? Part-time OFW contracts and conferences abroad are most welcome, yes. Maybe I could leave sometimes, but stop loving the Philippines altogether? Can’t. For all its imperfections, it is still the one for me. At tama nga, dahil bayan ko ito, dapat sagot ko. There is work to be done.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************
I can totally relate.

Like Dr. Del Rosario-Fortun, I also love my life here in the Phils., albeit all the political, social and economic unrest. Like her, I get terribly homesick when I am out of the country. I always have that desire to go home at once.

Here in the Philippines, I have a life. A happy and fulfilled one.

I thank God everyday that I have a stable job here so I don’t have to leave for greener pastures. I will always be close to my family and friends and won’t miss the important events in their lives (weddings, birthdays, reunions, etc.). Anytime, I can delight on the following experiences: Sonya’s Garden, Aling Nene’s barbeque, Glorietta, Greenbelt & Rockwell, Café Breton, Xaymaca, Baguio, Bohol & Boracay. I can scout as early as now for education options for my son as this will affect other major life decisions like a house purchase. I am even happily awaiting the day I can bring Evan to his first UP Fair.

I am not saying though that people who experience otherwise are less fortunate and happy. Others are meant to find their lives and happiness in a foreign land. It is just all a matter of preference and fate.

My sole point here is: as for me, I am destined to travel (and explore) the world, but will always have Pinas as my home.